Gay Club Jet Lag

And on the third day, the Lord said:

“IS SOMEBODY GONNA MATCH MY FREAK?”

Happy Gay Guy Friday everyone. And happy summer. It’s the first Gay Guy Friday of the season, and I couldn’t be more excited for what the next few weeks have in store. Today I will offer insights into what the summer will bring and how to prepare for it.

Though some will miss the spring and its unpredictable weather patterns (see: rain), the summer’s sweltering heat thrills and delights me because at least it’s consistent! (side note: is it redundant to say unpredictable weather since weather is, by some definitions, unpredictable?)

Summer is a time of expression when the hardships of spring can finally bloom into the season’s rewards. Summer represents freedom, in the sense that the only choice forced upon you is that you must be outside. What else were booty shorts and crop tops made for? This is what women in pop have fought for, the right to dress like a skank and party. (Speaking of, make sure you enjoy Charli’s new BRAT album.)

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way because apparently, Tinashe’s “Nasty” is making the rounds on TikTok. I am glad to hear the gospel is spreading amongst the youth. It has begun, the summer of Nasty. It’s time to be a Nasty Girl. What does that mean? You must dare to ask, “Is somebody gonna match my freak?” But your freak is specific to you. It is YOUR freak.

You may not know what your freak is, and that’s okay! What about my freak, you ask? Hm. I’m not too sure either. How can I be so confident about my me-espresso if I don’t even know what my freak is?

Your freak is about self-exploration. It’s about pushing the limits and daring to step out of your comfort zone in the pursuit of becoming the nastiest girl you can be. Needless to say, “Nasty” is my favorite for the song of the summer, the unofficially designated anthem by which we will live. 

So what should we know before embarking on this exciting and unpredictable season? The state of the world is as uncertain as the state of my bank account, and it often feels like there’s not much I can do to solve either case. Fret not, this summer is poised to be about sinking into the filth. Sinking into the Nasty, if you will. 

If you couldn’t tell, we are basically in a recession, even if the government doesn’t want to call it that. Okay, maybe we’re not, I won’t pretend to know anything about economics, but I do know a few things. The job market is a nightmare, everyone I know who “works in tech” is getting laid off, I got ghosted by the New York DOL regarding my unemployment benefits, and eight new smoke shops opened up around my apartment in the past two months. I’m no economist, but I know this can’t be good.

Not to mention, there’s an el*ction coming up in 5 months, and every time we ask our “elected officials” to do something about these issues, they look at us like Joo Dee and insist nothing is wrong. 

At this point, why worry? We didn’t explode the economy. We’re not the ones who signed away billions of our tax dollars to Israel or the police. At least I didn’t. And if I had a say in where my money went, I wouldn’t!

So what now? Do we give up? Do we hide at home, afraid of society’s inevitable and soon-to-come collapse? No. I say, let’s go outside, blast “Nasty” on our speakers, and get drunk in public. As my roommate and dear friend Anike says, it’s not summer until someone you know blacks out in a public park. Let’s take a lesson from Dennis and Dee and let the delusion of the summer bring us good vibes, even in the face of chaos.

(And if you do want to do something about it, here’s a living document of action events in the NY/NJ area for Palestine!)

Summer often brings high expectations with no certainty of payoff. We spend the two months before June telling our friends how we want to act, what we want to do, and what we want to see only for the majority of those plans to never materialize. Take a look below at some of the aspirational images that take a place in our mood boards but not our lives.

Not me. I love a plan. I love my calendar. I love to commit to an activity and then do it. This is where the gospel once again comes in, IS SOMEBODY GONNA MATCH MY FREAK? This summer is for getting down only with those who will match our freak. And if you don’t know where to begin, I suggest you match mine.

Since the dawn of time, humans have taken charge of their academic vacation by making their to-do lists. With all the free time that summer promises, why wouldn’t we want to fill it with activities we hope will become beautiful memories? 

As we get older, our free time in the summer season shrinks, but our attitudes remain. The summer to-do list takes a new life in the form of the summer playlist. We fill it with the music we hope underscores our lovely memories, and with the songs that we hope capture the energy, the romance, and the vibe of the next three months. 

So why is it so crucial to discover one’s freak? If Nasty is the song of the Summer, it means that there is a message within the track we must take to heart.

Tinashe asks this refrain in earnest- Is Somebody Gonna Match My Freak? This is not only a call to action to a potential friend, foe, or lover, but to ourselves as well. For someone to match our freak, we need to be confident in it. We need to match our own freak.

This isn’t to say we must be able to put pen to paper and define our freak. It’s not any one or two things, but rather a representation of our essence, of our personhood. It is the expression of our identity in an uncertain landscape, in a world where the future is as undefinable as our freak. 

Right now, my freak is playing Zelda until two in the morning. It’s going to the gym and watching Dance Moms as I sip on my coffee. It’s drinking so much water that my piss runs completely clear, so crystalline I can see my reflection in it. 

Will this remain? Probably not. My summer rave season is about to begin, and in two weeks I’m finally starting a new job, which means my current routine of freak will probably change. And that’s okay. Our freak is not rigid, it is movable. It is capable of transformation, either by our own will or that of the universe.

This is the beauty of our freak, and this is the beauty of the summer season. This is the beauty of the two in conjunction. The change in weather brings on a change in spirits, and as the temperature rises, so does our potential. 

Wherever this leads you, it matters only to remain true to your word and true to yourself. Only in honesty and self-reflection can our freak blossom to its greatest potential. Don’t worry about trying to match someone else’s freak. Match your own freak and protect it. You’re sure to find somebody who matches your freak, as naturally as a bee finds pollen.

So I encourage you, reader, to make your summer to-do list, make your summer playlist, and make your summer freak list. What do you want to accomplish while you can still wear your jorts? There are only a few months in the year for this, and each summer is different. Let us take a lesson from the gospel of Tinashe and discover our freaks. 

Here is my Ins and Outs list for the summer.

Ins-

• Techno music (and I’m NOT talking about the Challengers soundtrack. Although that is also quite good.)
  • ^ Subsequent House revival (for feral girl fall perhaps?)
• Lana del Rey
• Fever era Kylie Minogue
• Poppers
• Songs longer than 2 and a half minutes (Sorry Charli, I still love you)
• Taking the bus instead of walking
• DEODORANT- (Trust that I’ve been wearing deodorant but some of you seem to always need a reminder!)
• Proper pregames with music, bottles, and team bonding
• Shirtless men … just me?

Outs- 

• Dating losers, uggos, and guys we generally don’t like
• Committing to things we don’t plan on attending
• Vodka
• Staying inside
• Drunk cigarettes
  • ^ I’m looking at you too, drunk vape
• Straight people at the gay club
  • ^ I know “allies” exist, so fine- you may bring ONE straight person for every FOUR gay people in your friend group. If you for any reason you bring multiple straight people they MAY NOT do PDA with each other or with anyone else in the club.
• Clubs where they don’t play Beyoncé

Lastly, here is my summer playlist and my pride month playlist. Thanks for making it this far if you did. Kisses x