Gay Club Jet Lag

I meant to post my ins and outs/EOY reflection ages ago and kept thinking “yeah I’ll get around to it…” only to realize, oh shit! Today is the last day of the year! So here it is, the most recent draft available.

Not to zoom out too much, but my generation possesses a proclivity for hyperbole. We define a stretch of a few minutes in terms of hours, describe the passing of hours as days, days as weeks, weeks as months, months as years… as this year completes its cycle I’m tempted to say 2025 felt like 20 years… but if I dismiss the impulse to exaggerate, this year was, objectively, the length of a standard year- we didn’t even have a leap day. Not that everything should always be literal all the time always, but- what does it mean to look back at the past 12 months and reflect on them accurately?

Instead of describing the year’s seemingly slow pace, what if I accepted that a year can contain so much feeling, living, suffering, joy, monotony? How do we look back without diving for extremes? As holidays petal into the rose of NYD, the season’s swiftness sways me to see the year as the best or the worst ever, but how can one truly measure that? Did a great tragedy befall me? Did I gain unknown bounds of riches? Did I get married? Did I get cheated on? No, no, no, and possibly but I cheated too.

Similarly, it’s just as extreme to look back at the past 365 days and say it was the most boring or eventless year. I had two seizures, I saw Beyoncé, I ate crow with Addison Rae, and I moved twice. As I sift through actions, events, and memories for lessons learned, moments treasured, and cautionary tales, I arrive at the conclusion that this should amount to something forward-facing, an action or philosophy that propels me to turn the page and begin my next chapter.

The same way we can’t assign album of the year the moment a good piece of art drops, we may not be able to assign definitive descriptions of years lived until we survive them all. And at that point, we’re dead! So for 2025… I will give each month a sentence, a paragraph, a word.

I spent a lot of time this year dwelling on self-improvement with little action. I spent a lot of time fearing and daydreaming about the future. I planted seeds and stared at the freshly patted soil expecting fruit by the next sunrise. I kicked ass and got my ass kicked. It was a regular year! I did not explode. I am still alive. That’s all I got.

2025 in review

January- Walking in the Rain
I started clubbing alone in January. I loved it. Flying solo meant leaving behind total inebriation, and I discovered how much I love to just dance. It also released me from holding space for anyone else’s timeline. I went out one night for a total of six hours, and clocked a tight 30 minutes at the same club the following weekend. I also spent a lot of time hungover in January, but none of it related to my solo dates. #SeeIDon’tHaveAProblem

February-
I fucked up my knee this month. Cue: depression.

March-
Gloom! Lady Gaga. Then Mexico City. Then more gloom!

April- All Exits are Final
Cosmic shift.

May-
Waiting. Biding my time for my June trip, summer in general, the end of my lease. In a way, May is a spiritual sister to December.

June-
Jam-packed. Warm weather, shorts, Provincetown, my play reading… I lived fast and loose this June. This is when I started carrying my journal with me everywhere. ❤

July – Leaving the Island
Sheesh. I broke my fucking ankle and had to move a week later. #BLOCKED

August- Big City Living
First month of big city life. Williamsburg is the new Manhattan. Manhattan is now Los Angeles. I occupied prime real estate and sure lived like it. I quickly realized it wouldn’t last. Bye forever.

September-
A good month. Secrets, running, hiding, playing games. I cast a love spell. It’ll come back eventually.

October- Lovers Rock
Woof. Seizure #1! And I broke my nose! Then a diagnosis! Then I broke a lamp and cut my hand on the glass! The best part of this month was seeing Midland. House music is so healing <3. Wrote a nice piece about it. Started enjoying rock music in anticipation of Act III. Closed the month with nightmare halloween.

November- Sweeps Week
I had another seizure and 30 minutes after waking in the hospital my sister’s water broke. November and October compete for sweeps week, but I think November takes the cake because I became an uncle! And then I moved again,

December-
December’s always tough. Anticipation tends to block presence. I spent much of this month waiting for it to be over. And now it is. We’ll see if I finish unpacking from the move in January.

AOTY:
In the Blue Light, Kelela (2025)

Honorable mentions:
Fancy That, PinkPanthress (2025)
Glitter, Mariah Carey (2001)
Addison, Addison Rae (2025)
Sincerely,, Kali Uchis (2025)

SOTY:
“Tonight,” PinkPanthress

Honorable Mentions:
“Berry Pie,” Dolly Parton
“II HANDS II HEAVEN,” Beyoncé
“Loverboy,” Mariah Carey
“Loverboy (remix),” Mariah Carey
“Irreplaceable,” Beyoncé
“One of my Bedbugs Ate my Pussy,” Cupcakke

Worst months of 2025

• July
• February
• December 2024

Best months of the year

• December 2024
• June
• September
• October

And now, Outs/Ins for 2026

Out:

• Christ figures
• Lowercase
• Passive voice
• Flags
• Brands- loyalty, recommendations, as fashion, free advertisement, etc.
• Celsius energy drink

In:

• 2
• 3 (and remember that 1+2=3, but so does 2+1=3)
• Four-act structures (ahem Beyoncé)
• Symbols, shapes, and colors
• Intermission
• Live performance
• Carrying cash

Affirmations for 2026:

“If you can’t feed your baby, then don’t have a baby”
– Michael Jackson, “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’”

“Music makes the people come together”
– Madonna, “Music”