Gay Club Jet Lag

On the last Saturday of summer, I stepped on a crunchy orange leaf on a softball field. My lunch that day was hot dogs and a plate of fries between my two games, in which I scored four runs. To be at softball on time, I woke up at 7 in the morning after getting home from the night’s festivities around 5. For the first time since May, I wore pants out on the town three nights in a row. As I line up the sweaters I plan on wearing into the office in the next few weeks, one thing is clear. It’s Fall, y’all. 

Some of you may be wondering- didn’t this bitch just post? Well, yes! (And if you’ve fallen behind on the blog, feel free to catch up on my recent forays back into dating…) But I also post at the start of every month to reflect, look forward to the next 28-31 days, and share the music I listened to (which you would know if you were a real one). The start of October is extra special because it’s the first full month of the Fall season.

Wild Girl Winter, Salacious Girl Spring, Hot Girl Summer, and now Feral Girl Fall. The four seasons. I think Summer may need a rebrand since the collaboration that inspired the term is now cursed… and after the success of Nasty Girl Summer inspired by my dear friend Tinashe, I think that may be a proper replacement. Let’s circle back in 2025. Also wow, look at my canon, my lore… never too late to catch up on the blog everyone.

As we enter the last quarter of the year, my mind prepares for the endings to come. Around this time of year, I look back at what I accomplished and ask myself if there’s anything else I can achieve in the next three months so I have less to put on my list of New Year’s resolutions. When the weather gets colder, it inspires introspection, especially under the assumption that we’ll be spending less time outside. 

One of my goals going into the year was to prioritize my writing practice. I started my blog because if I had an outlet to share my work, it would motivate me to make more of it. This succeeded until I started thinking that everything I wrote needed to be post-worthy. I’ve shared some real stinkers in the past seven months in an attempt to validate the existence of my blog, but I’ve also surprised myself with some of the wisdom and vulnerability I was able to uncover.

Recently, I’ve settled into a proper groove, and I’m pleased to say that I spent at least one hour every day this past September sitting at my desk and writing. This is my longest writing streak since college, and I deserve a pat on the back for that. Having a window in my bedroom has certainly helped because now, I have a private place to write without feeling insane. Something else that’s aided in my writing journey this month is the discovery of a new mantra. 

During a writing session on the 15th, I was incessantly self-editing and getting in my way of putting words on the page. I decided to follow that agitation and wrote about my worst habits. While I won’t share the whole list, the exercise helped me discover a magic phrase that’s helped me curb that negative impulse: “No one is going to see this unless I want them to.” It’s hard to enjoy writing when I treat a first draft like the final product. Halfway through the month, I asked myself, what if I didn’t do that? I took that food for thought and ate it right up. A gold star for me! 

While I’m not fully removed from my inner critic (which I’ve also learned is impossible to ever wish for), I’ve managed to silence him more effectively than ever. The more I dwell on my inner critic’s existence, however, the more I feel the urge to self-edit. The acknowledgment it takes to write about him grants him the power it takes to stop my flow.

To keep that guy away from here, I’ll turn to another bad habit of mine. Surprisingly, I am not perfect, and in the past few weeks, I’ve caught myself lying to others. In an attempt to seem more Fall-pilled and less insane, when people tell me how much they look forward to staying in now that the weather’s getting colder, I always respond with “Yes, me too.” 

Yet no change in weather can stop me. Before the sun sets, I’m convinced I have the strength to control it. But when the moon rises, the beast awakens. It needs to go out, it needs to feed. The club calls me. The neon lights awaken the monster, like the full moon to a werewolf. 

Halloween approaches, no? And I want to get into the Fall spirit. Half my fridge is pumpkin products and I’m sure my poo is turning orange. There’s much to love about Fall- the foliage, seasonal desserts, and a chance to wear cute sweaters, but one tradition I can’t get behind is preparing for hibernation. Bears, some squirrels, and half of Brooklyn do it, but my spirit doesn’t align with this behavior. 

I wonder sometimes what it would be like to be normal, to follow suit with everyone else staying at home during colder weekend nights, to not go out 5-7 days a week. I’d love to take it easy for once. No, scratch that, I’d love to want to take it easy. But I have no interest in being idle. This comes at the expense of rest… and money of course… but I feel like I’m wasting my youth by not exploring everything the city has to offer. 

This past Friday, I didn’t go to the club, a bar, a party, or anything of that nature. It was the first time I’d been on the J after dark and completely sober at the same time. I did consume some culture that night, getting to see the second staging of God and All Her Children, a lovely play by my dear friend Anike (which shoutout to her being announced as part of the Clubbed Thumb’s Early-Career Writer’s Group… keep an eye on her y’all… @anikesun…). On my way to and from the show, it took everything not to send a text blast to all my friends asking if they were out that night.

I didn’t pop any puss because I had an early morning, though that’s never stopped me before. The main reason I was home before midnight is that I recently stopped taking my SSRIs and desperately needed sleep before my Saturday morning journey to Fire Island. Speaking of, let’s see how the change in medication affects my writing… 

I will admit, I felt more well-rested Monday morning than I have since before the beginning of summer. Is that what a weekend without debauchery does? Perhaps, but I have intentionally scheduled every single minute of my upcoming weekend to make up for the lack of nightlife I just survived.

My reflection for this past month led me to revisit past reflections, and I grappled with a similar dilemma back in May. I found bliss in being unsocial and prioritizing rest, and yet these two action items are far from my October agenda. I suppose my brain is still in Nasty Girl Summer mode. As mentioned, I like to keep busy. (Sidebar, now that I’m dating again and writing about it, can any related expenses be counted for a tax write-off? I’m basically a small business/self-published writer so…)

Intrinsically, I know I need to find balance. But how the hell am I supposed to do that? I think that’s the theme for the next four weeks, and hopefully, at the start of November, I’ll have gained some insight. For now, I need to go get ready for Happy Hour (LOL) so I must wrap this thing up. I will say that I’m pleased with the time I’ve made for writing despite my busy lifestyle, and I hope to continue to grow. Expect to hear a lot from me this month, and also with more variety.

As always, I’ll share my top songs of the past four weeks, September’s Mother of the Month, and quotes from the notes that didn’t make it into the blog. Additionally, I’ve been watching many movies lately as a result of my job, so I’ll also share my favorite film I watched this month.

September Metrics:

QUOTES FROM THE NOTES:

I just took a massive dump and am now on my way to this date.
After all, CoStar said “Open up…”

Someone inviting you over to “watch a movie with my roommate” is entrapment 

I had to stop my meds bc I can’t afford them, but pros and cons- I can try shrooms in a few months 

I’m going to get a speaker and blast Christmas music outside of a Spirit Halloween Store

Watching the KylieFever2002 tour:
Australia is so dystopian
Starting college in 2001 must have been so cool

FILME OF THE MONTH: NINJA VS. SHARK (2023)

There’s a scene of Ninja actually fighting Shark. Two characters in this movie die via Ninja Spell Explosion. A kxnty ninja lady kisses a dead woman, and through that magic kiss, the deceased returns as a walking corpse set on avenging her death. It was kind of everything. A close second was My Cousin Vinny (1992), which I saw for the first time this past Saturday. I can’t believe it took me so long to see it, but I get why the gays love this movie so much. I tip my hat to Italian-Americans everywhere. 

And lastly, I would be remiss to not acknowledge the death of Gavin Creel. He was a hero of mine and one of my favorite voices on the Broadway stage. Not only was he in one of my favorite filmes, Eloise at Christmastime (2003), but he also played in the first show I saw on Broadway, the Hello Dolly revival during Bernadette Peters’s run. A nerdy connection I made before seeing the show was that in Eloise, Gavin Creel’s character takes his lady out to see the 2003 revival of Gypsy, starring none other than Bernadette Peters. Seeing them play together meant the world to me, and I’ll always cherish that night as one of the greatest experiences of my life. I think the best way to close out my reflection for this month is by sharing his last message to composer Benj Pasek.

This was a much longer reflection than usual, so I will leave you alone now because there will be much more to come (threat). Thank you if you made it this far. 

Kisses