Gay Club Jet Lag

Happy Gay Guy Friday everyone. As we know, it’s Pride Month, which means that the only ones more offended by all our events than the Baptists are our wallets. At every turn, another corporation is dyeing its corporate logo rainbow to tout their allyship. Gay bars are hosting more events and raising their covers. Every addition to my calendar means a subtraction from my bank account and, given that I’ve spent the last two months without a job, I am truly scraping the bottom of the barrel for this year’s Pride. 

As my Gays hit my line with another trip! Another party! Another opportunity! A few things become clear. One, The Gays are a lot more individually organized than people like to give us credit for. The only reason we’re notoriously late is because we’re usually balancing getting ready and setting up the next three events at the same time. Secondly, we love to party. Third, we love to spend money. If the Gays aren’t spending all their cash on parties, they’re dropping it on expensive wine, houseplants, vintage clothes, or collectible Sonny Angels. 

And then there’s the final boss of the Gay community: Travel Gays. If you open Instagram, you’re sure to see some faggot who asked you to spot them a drink last week fucking about in Italy. Some Gays have hacked this lifestyle by becoming flight attendants, doing it on their company’s dime, but then they spend so much money on their apartment only to never be there. The only ones inhabiting their beautiful space are the bedbugs they picked up on the overnight flight back from Paris.

Needless to say, the homosexual lifestyle is one of great financial cost. What can I say? We love fabulous things. We love fabulous experiences. It’s not our fault we’re taken advantage of. We are material girls living in a material world. Anyone who has a problem with this can blame Madonna. Personally, I say a little prayer to Madonna every single day.

But as the price of our basic needs soar above our means, how are we supposed to maintain our lifestyles? I live paycheck to paycheck solely based on wanting to get out there and live my life to the fullest. My parents love to talk about “saving up” for “retirement,” my friends in their 30s mention buying houses or some other form of property, and all I’m worried about is saving up for my next rave so I have a ticket and a cute new outfit. Why worry about things like my student loans? Those are between Joe Biden and God. The financial burden of our lifestyle isn’t new either.

If The Gays of 1970 were complaining about $3 covers and $1 beers, we’ve obviously lost the plot. Where is the progress that Pride promised us? This lesbian’s sentiments still echo today- Who can afford to be gay at these prices?

Some can. Some do. I’m struggling to keep up, but not everyone is. I know some of you went to RENAISSANCE eight times last year. I know you were at the Eras Tour in Milan. While I haven’t yet caught up, there are some Gays who rake in unethical salaries for made-up jobs to support their way of life.

As we descend into the chaos of Pride and our tabs grow, I can’t help but wonder– what will The Gays do when the class war comes? What will we do when the communist revolution finally breaks out and we eat the rich? Who will be willing to lay down their luxuries, and who will defend them to their final breath? Gays are diverse–there’s no telling who will fight and who will surrender. 

And who knows? Maybe it won’t be the class war that brings society down. Perhaps Covid will evolve to its final form as a Zombie Virus. Maybe a meteor will strike and all our financial qualms won’t matter anymore.

I’ve often told myself that in the face of an apocalypse, I would accept my fate and hand myself over to the zombies. But given how some of The Gays behaved during the summer of Covid and the summer of Monkeypox, I’m sure Paradisco would return to the heavenly balcony at Le Bain even as The Walking Dead comes to life in the streets.

It’s somewhat admirable, our commitment to keep dancing until the world ends. Whether it’s rising prices, a zombie outbreak, or a meteor strike, what else is there to do when the disaster around you is out of your hands? It’s as Britney taught us, after all. 

But more and more, it’s getting difficult to dance. First of all, I can’t help but ask–are we just going to accept these prices? Are we going to let the kingmakers of nightlife take advantage of us? The Queer community of New York has been a victim of exploitation since long before even the Stonewall Era. The only difference now is that instead of being given watered-down and overpriced liquor by the police-backed mafia, we’re being given a watered-down and overpriced version of community by our own Gays.

Don’t these bars realize that if they lower the price of drinks by 2 or 3 dollars we’re likely to buy three times as many? Why are these dusty little dive bars asking for $5 at the door? I’m not giving you any of my cash, that’s for the drag queens!  And there’s not just a financial cost to maintaining these environments, but a moral one as well.

As Pride becomes corporatized, both inside and outside of our community spaces, we’re also witnessing the colonization of techno music by the Israeli rave scene. No doubt we’ll see flags of genocide flying in the name of rave culture, but why do we allow this? We spend so much money to participate in June’s events that we never question where our money’s going.

And you know what? I’d be happy to drop a couple of bands if I knew the gay club was owned by Palestinians or to spend more if I knew my drag queen tip money went to mutual aid funds in Gaza. However, most of the events sold to us come from morally ambiguous sources whose silence speaks volumes in a month dedicated to celebrating freedom. We’re asked to believe that our existence is radical enough on its own to justify debauchery without any critical thinking awarded to Pride’s overall message. 

Meanwhile, we have no say in whether corporations funding big oil and arms to Israel put parade floats on Fifth Avenue. After all, what is the point of a March without a real intention of protest? How can we claim to commemorate the trailblazers who fought for us without giving any thought to the violence perpetrated by our government? We have not won our full freedom as queer people yet, and even if we had, we should not be happy for that freedom to rest on the oppression of others. There’s room for both celebration and political consciousness.

But supporters of Israel are trying to use the aesthetics of Pride to get us to unknowingly co-sign a genocide. Whether it’s through the parade or club owners and DJs with hidden agendas, The Forces That Be work as hard as they can to make this lifestyle intoxicating. The only stipulation is that you don’t ask questions–just swipe your cards.

This Pride month, I have to ask–where’s our solidarity? 

Moreover, there’s another element to dismantling the machine that is sure to rattle our Gays. There is one sector of humanity whom we love more than our parties, more than the bottles. We love them more than our decor, or our clothes. Some might say we love them even more than ourselves: Our Divas. When the class war comes, what will we do when we lose our pop girls? 

It’s impossible to consider a future where the celebrity class as we know it survives, given that it’s an unsustainable and parasitic faction of our society. Either they’ll float away with Elon to Mars or be forced to answer for their endless pursuit of wealth. These women operate in a similar way to the corporations of Pride–they ask us for our dollars and hope we won’t think critically about how much we spend on them. 

For more info on Taylor Swift’s flight patterns, I invite you to look at the Reddit forum and the flight tracker Twitter account. 

Trust me when I say, I don’t want to lose the pop girls for good. As you probably know, I love Beyoncé. I’ve fought with strangers at the club, coworkers, and even family members about her cultural impact. Beyoncé is the Queen of America, whether you like it or not. I’ve long believed that when the class war comes, we will spare Beyoncé but happily eat Jay-Z. But just as the Monarchy in England must fall, so it must be in America. 

Beyoncé’s love of money isn’t something she shies away from either. It’s become part of her trademark. The problematic nature of Beyoncé’s wealthy aesthetic is something we can talk about at length. I have been a victim of her greed many times, and certainly will again. I live in fear of the day she announces the COWBOY CARTER tour because I’m sure to make irresponsible decisions. Not to mention, we have to survive another whole other Act after this. 

The endless threat of the money Beyoncé will demand that we spend looms over us like the threat of Winter to the Stark Family. And like Winter, we must accept that it is coming. 

But capitalism must fall, and as much as it hurts my heart, its biggest offenders must go down with it. Perhaps Beyoncé will dart off to Mars before the comrades get her, or maybe she’ll betray her class and join the revolution (though I sincerely doubt it). Trust that, before and after the day of reckoning, I will continue to stream–but ultimately our pop divas will have to… face the music. 

After all, we know why they start beauty brands and fashion lines. We know why they print six different vinyls with remixes of songs that are at their core un-remixable. We know why they offer VIP meet-and-greet packages. We know why they participate in creating merchandise for Pride. It’s not because they love us as much as we love them. They love our money. 

And that’s fine! I will continue to give it to them. When I buy Ariana Grande merch, I am supporting a fellow Mexican artist. When I purchase artifacts of the Beyoncé experience, I am participating in historic bits of culture. 

The music these Mothers give us provides a sustaining life force to our community. If a beautiful woman creates art, The Gays will come. But ultimately, the celebrity class must fall. This presents one of the most challenging parts of awakening The Gays to the state of the world.

I think there’s something to be said about the Luxury ever-present in these women’s aesthetics. It’s what The Gays aspire to. Part of what unites our community is the universal experience of being 10 years old, in the closet and living through our Mothers’ videos on YouTube. It makes sense that once we have semi-disposable incomes and autonomy, we’d want to play out these fantasies in real life.

But my wallet and my patience are running thin. Many times I have asked myself, how can I keep up? And right now is no different. As much as we Gays love to participate in the highest, most fabulous forms of decadence that capitalist culture tells us to idealize, we must decide that that’s not all that it means to be gay. We can be fabulous without giving our support to police, prisons, armies, borders, or genocides. 

This is a call to action, my monsters-–we must invite the revolution. We must reject the colonizer’s appropriation of techno. We must demand more affordable community spaces. House of Love and RuPaul Charles: lower your prices! 3DollarBill: take down your covers!

We ought to create affordable spaces that represent a more conscious definition of Pride. While we can’t fix all of these problems immediately or even by the end of this year’s Pride, I encourage The Gays to start thinking more critically about where we spend our money and what events we choose to participate in. 

Gays, it’s time to organize. And I’m not just talking about our calendars. If we can get our personal lives organized for Pride, why can’t we organize as a community? We have stamina, loud voices, and we are stubborn as hell. If we want the world to be a better place, it’s time we use our gifts in the name of progress. 

So as we dance through the flames of our crumbling society, be mindful of where you’re dancing. Be mindful of why you’re dancing. We know that our lives are expensive. Why accept it? Why should we let this go on? We can make the Gay lifestyle affordable, accessible, and socially effective–but only if we work together.

When you begin to analyze the financial burden of our lifestyle, you’re likely to keep asking questions. I encourage you to use this Pride Month not just to shake your ass, but to open your mind about what we can achieve through collective organization. 

We’ve always been a pleasure to have in class, despite our disruptive behaviors. Why not use our powers for good? Let’s be a pleasure to have in the commune and disrupt the capitalist system. Here are some action events! For non-zionist dance parties, follow Technoqueers! For some info on self-organizing, read this piece from Left Voice!

Let’s not fall during the class war. Let’s be the ones to start it.