Gay Club Jet Lag

Well everyone, May is over. May is CANCELED. #MayIsOverParty #IAlreadyUsedTheWord OverInTheFirstSentence #IsThatBadWriting

I’ll keep this brief because I just posted and I have a good feeling I’ll post again soon (threat).

In the past month, the power of Spring was on full display. It’s easy to get swept away by the first tastes of warm weather and automatically jump into Summer, but there were plenty of shitty rainy days to remind us that it’s not yet here. I must remind myself that June is still technically a Spring month, even though the academic system has associated it with the Summer. 

Spring is a test of patience. Because of this, it’s become my least favorite season. I’ve wanted to write about it in hopes that I’ll be profound and find a new appreciation for this time of year, but I keep hitting a wall. What can I say? I long to have my ass hanging out of my jorts without having to bring a rain jacket or light sweater everywhere I go.

I’m not saying I’m ungrateful for the season. I know there’s pleasure in slowly watching a tree become reborn. But I also hate the rain and my allergies have been going crazy. 

I suppose if my therapist hadn’t ghosted me, he might have suggested I look out the window and see the blooming flowers as a reminder of the beauty and bounty the virtue of patience may bring. Except I don’t have a therapist and I don’t have a window, so how am I supposed to learn this lesson?

It seems like everything around me is telling me to wait when all I want is to move. I’ve been so restless. I’m afraid I will miss out on life if I don’t act now. I must attend every event, meet every person, work every job, and write every brilliant thought. Who do I think I am? Some prophet of the 21st century? Obviously, I can’t do all of these things, but it isn’t until I spell it out that it’s like oh, right. Relax.

Maybe one of the overlooked benefits of the season is that these moments of bad weather, poor health, and low energy offer opportunities to rest. However, I am a weekend warrior. I’ve been out in the snow until four in the morning before a fifteen-hour workday. Why should a couple of sniffles and some stupid rain keep me inside? 

I guess it brings up the reality that if I never take the time to rest, I won’t bloom to my fullest potential. This is a mixed metaphor about Spring, but I think you get the picture. It’s like when the Parks & Rec department puts up fences to tell people to stay off the grass. If they don’t, it won’t regrow.

At what point do I put my fences up? There’s so much pressure to be young and to discover myself that the idea of doing this feels like I’m closing myself off to life. What if tonight’s the night I’m supposed to meet my husband and I stay home? What if I miss the formation of a group chat? What if I miss an inside joke of “Smooth Move Ferguson” proportions? 

Again, writing this all down makes me realize that these fears are all based on missing out on other people. What if by doing this, I’ve been missing out on myself? The first part of this month was marked with unemployment anxiety, FOMO, and a self-imposed pressure to make plans happen. 

For the second half of the month, I dedicated my time to not doing jack shit. I turned off my phone, binged Queen Charlotte (2023), and I even baked a cheesecake. For once, it was nice to turn off my social brain and prioritize my rest. It’s not sustainable to run off once a month and disappear for a week, so I have to wonder, what does it look like to identify that I need to rest and take time for myself in the social season? 

The only way to find out is by living it, I suppose. I wish I had more insight to offer about the season, but now that it’s June, it does feel like Summer is on its way. You might be thinking, “Help! Summer is coming and I’m unprepared!” Well, fret not. I will soon be sending you all a summer guide of the proper tunes, culture, and behavior to expect this season.

Until then, I am going to fuck off and relax. I hope you do the same. Not to give away too much, but we do have a nasty summer ahead of us.

Before I sign off, I will share three more things. 

First, I would like to declare a Mother of the Month. This is a woman in entertainment who I feel played a significant role in the culture of my social circle. With the drop of her Magnum Opus performance on Netflix and her turn in the Fifty Shades trilogy, my Letterboxed has been full of this Mother’s content. A round of applause for the-

MOTHER OF THE MONTH: Dakota Johnson.

Secondly, I always like to recap my month in terms of music, so here are my top ten listened-to tracks of May.

If you know me well, you’ll know this is the second month in a row where “Nasty” by Tinashe has taken the top spot. We also have some entries from two new releases, by Billie Eilish and Dua Lipa. You’ll also notice that Mariah Carey is creeping up the chart. There’s nothing that screams summer more than a Mariah Carey lead single. 

Lastly, here are some quotes from my notes app that didn’t make it into the blog this month but I feel are worth sharing.

Anytime I get an anxious thought or start overthinking, I’m just gonna say ‘I’m so creative’ and shrug it off.

I see heaven in a disco ball

In response to hearing “It’s Not Right but It’s Okay” by Whitney Houston at the club: What if Whitney just forgot about tapas or family-style dining? Maybe they shared the plates between the six of them and she is wrong about her man cheating

Anyway, thanks for reading and indulging me. I’ll see you guys later this week, on the first Gay Guy Friday of June. Until then, may the start of your Pride Month be merry and bright. 

Kisses